


Face Everything and Rise Up

by admiralandrea



Series: No woman, no cry [1]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, Episode Related, Gen, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralandrea/pseuds/admiralandrea
Summary: Tag for Season 5 ep 14 - "War Cries" where G decides not to date Joelle. Written for the Matchmaker square of my Trope Bingo Card





	Face Everything and Rise Up

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as ever to beta and comma wrangler extraordinaire Spikedluv!

When Callen got to the table and realised that Sam and Michelle weren't there he froze for a second. The woman at the table introduced herself and mentioned the text message from Michelle and he realised he'd been set up. Sam would be paying for this big time and he couldn't believe Hetty had gone along with it as well. Callen thought she knew him better than that.

He was pretty pissed off, but made polite small talk and decided not to take it out on the attractive woman that Michelle clearly thought he'd be interested in. Deciding he'd at least get dinner out of it, Callen sat down and made a comment about being starved. It was true; the case had kept them busy and that tended not to allow for regular meal times.

Joelle explained who she was and Callen improvised, making up a cover on the spot. It was one of the things he was best at and he used the persona he created to get through the rest of dinner. Joelle was pleasant enough company and Callen could be charming when it was needed for an op, which was how he'd classified this evening. By the end of the night, though, he knew he wouldn't be contacting Joelle again and he suspected she guessed as much.

He remained polite, though, arranging a cab to take her home before heading to his own car. He'd made a pretense of drinking wine during the evening, but had carefully ensured he'd kept a clear head. It was something he had a lot of experience with and he knew that Joelle wouldn't have noticed.

Back home he wasn't surprised to walk in his living room and find Sam in the sole armchair, waiting for him.

"You've got a lot of nerve," he said. Callen continued through to his bedroom and started to strip off the clothes Hetty had given him.

"Don't you mean, thank you, partner, for arranging for me to meet a beautiful woman?" Sam asked, humour evident in his tone.

Callen snorted loudly at that. "I don't need you and Michelle playing cupid for me," he called back before indulging himself with a slam of the bedroom door.

"Come on, G, you can't tell me you didn't have a good time. You clearly stayed to have dinner with her." Sam's voice came clearly through the closed bedroom door.

Callen pulled the door open again, finding Sam leaning against the opposite wall. "That was just me being polite because she didn't deserve my anger," he said. "Now please leave. I want a shower and some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Come on, G, don't be like that," Sam said, moving forward to stand in the doorway. 

"I mean it, Sam, go home," Callen said emphatically, using his best interrogation glare on his partner.

Sam wavered for a moment. Callen didn't back down, so he finally clued in that Callen was serious.

"Alright, then, we can talk about this tomorrow," he agreed.

Callen gave another snort. "I've said all I'm going to on the subject," he told Sam firmly. "Good night."

Sam gave him an assessing look before shrugging. "Have it your way," he said finally. "But you're explaining to Michelle. Dinner, my place, tomorrow."

Callen just glared again, not bothering to reply, before turning back into the room and unfastening his pants. He knew that would be enough to persuade Sam he was done and sure enough, a few seconds later he heard Sam's footsteps going down the hall.

Callen sighed in relief, glad the confrontation was over, but knowing he would need to be just as firm with Michelle the next day.

*

Work the next day could have been awkward, particularly when there was no case on deck. Callen texted Sam to say he was taking his own car and went in early. He grabbed a pile of reports and headed to the boat shed to work in peace. 

He'd left Hetty a note when he returned the clothes she'd give him from wardrobe for dinner, saying he needed the space to get caught up on his reports. He knew she would take his excuse at face value because it wasn't the first time he'd retreated to the boat shed to do paperwork. It wasn't like he was out of contact if a case did come up. 

Thankfully he was left in peace apart from one text from Kensi asking if he was okay and reporting that Sam was like a grizzly bear. He sent back a one word reply "paperwork", knowing that she would accept the explanation as well. His dislike of report writing and habit of procrastinating on getting stuff done were both well known after the amount of time the team had been together and Callen wasn't above taking any advantage he could get in order to avoid discussing the night before and distracting himself from the difficult evening ahead with Sam and Michelle.

The day crawled by slowly at first, with frequent trips to get more coffee or just to pace around the room. Then Callen hit a groove as he usually did, sinking into the headspace required to complete reports, fill out expenses forms and just generally deal with the side of the job he really hated. When he hit that point he lost track of passing time, the last mug of coffee growing cold beside him as he finished reports, sending them on to Hetty for review and to be forwarded on up the line.

The silence was a balm and lunch came and went unnoticed as his productivity hit new heights. The work was just enough to keep his brain engaged and not dwelling on last night's dinner or what was to come tonight. No one interrupted him; his phone stayed silent, although he did exchange a few emails with Hetty when she asked for a couple of changes or clarifications.

He didn't notice the day getting late around him, shadows slowly filling the boatshed, until the creaking of the door opening finally got his attention. Callen looked up quickly, to see who was there. He'd clearly been stuck in one position for too long because the sudden movement sent a sharp pain through the side of his neck. He hissed, grabbing the offending spot and letting out a few choice curses.

"G?" It was Sam filling the doorway, which was no surprise. He quickly crossed the room to Callen. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Callen grumbled, "Too long sitting down is all."

"I bet you skipped lunch too, right?" Sam asked, as Callen started packing his stuff away and shutting down his laptop. A loud gurgle from his stomach answered Sam's question for him.

"I got on a roll," Callen said, shoving the last few folders in his bag, hissing as his stupid neck twinged again.

"Here," Sam said. Before Callen could protest, one large warm hand was rubbing at the sore muscles in just the way to ease the cramp. Callen let his head drop forward, not really happy, but not up to protesting either. 

After a few minutes, Sam stepped away again. "Better?" he asked.

Callen didn't try to nod, but managed a small smile. "Thanks, Big Guy," he answered. He picked up his laptop bag, letting Sam grab the bag of files, and lead the way out to their cars.

"Do you need to go back to the office?" Sam asked as they put both bags in the trunk of Callen's car.

Callen shook his head. "Tomorrow morning will be fine," he replied.

"Alright, I'll let Michelle know we're on our way, then," Sam told him, pulling out his cell to send a quick text.

Callen slid behind the wheel of his car. He felt apprehensive about the dinner ahead, but knew he just needed to be honest with Sam and Michelle, however difficult he found talking about personal things.

*

When Callen pulled onto Sam's driveway behind his partner's car, Michelle was waiting for them at the front door.

"Which of us didn't you trust?" Sam joked as he greeted his wife.

"I was just seeing off Kamran to her friend's for the night," Michelle replied. "I figured it was best if she had a sleepover, given the circumstances." She turned from Sam's hug and kiss to Callen.

"Michelle," he said, warily. "You're looking good." It was always a good idea to compliment her and he suddenly wished he'd taken the time to stop for a bottle of wine or something, as well.

"Don't bother standing on ceremony," she told him. "We gave up on that crap a long time ago."

He nodded hesitantly and walked over to give her a quick hug. She wouldn't let him get away with that, though, holding on to him and pressing her lips to his cheek. No vapid L.A. air kisses for Michelle Hanna.

When she finally allowed him to pull back they were both grinning at him and he frowned, hand coming up to rub at his cheek, sure he had lipstick there.

"Come on inside, dinner's almost ready," Michelle told them and they obediently followed her into the house.

Callen quickly found himself with a beer and a handful of cutlery to set the table. He really was part of the Hanna family and he felt a bit better about things when he realised nothing had changed, despite his rejection of Joelle.

Once they were seated at the table and started eating, though, Callen felt his nerves return. He'd never really talked about relationships with Sam before, even as long as they'd been partners, and he wasn't sure he was ready to now, either. He pushed his food around on the plate, barely eating and trying not to drink too much wine to try and relax himself.

"Something wrong with my wife's food?" Sam finally asked when Callen put his fork down.

"No, it's fine, of course," Callen said. Michelle’s meals were delicious, even if they were healthier than Callen usually ate in deference to her husband's fitness regime. "Guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought."

"Even though you skipped lunch," Sam said.

Callen shrugged. It wasn't the first time he'd missed a meal and not been able to eat later It wasn't like it would do him any harm.

"Maybe we should just address the elephant in the room," Michelle suggested, putting her fork down as well.

Callen looked up quickly at that, not sure he was ready for the conversation to start. 

"I should have known you wouldn't want to eat until we got the tough stuff out of the way." Sam's tone was joking, but not in a nasty way. "You always did prefer bullets over words."

"Guess I'm just more of an action guy," Callen replied in an attempt to keep up their usual banter.

"G, it's alright," Michelle said gently. "I'm not going to throw you out because you decided not to date Joelle."

Callen blew out a breath and pushed back from the table to go and stand by the window, automatically scanning for threats as he looked out at Michelle's roses. He felt Sam move up next to him, his partner a strong presence at his side. He turned back towards Michelle.

"I liked her," he said. "She's a great lady, but she's just not for me."

"And why is that?" Michelle asked. She came over to him, taking his hand and guiding him to the couch.

Callen gave a little shrug, accepting his wine glass from his partner. Sam took the chair while Michelle settled next to him, tucking her legs up as she studied him intently. Callen tried not to squirm, not really comfortable with all the attention.

"It's not because you're gay," Sam stated, rather than asked. "You have been on a few dates with women. Or were they all beards?"

Callen shook his head. "Flexible," he managed to say, feeling really uncomfortable. He quickly emptied his wine glass, trying to swallow what felt like a rock in his throat. His stomach was churning with all the emotions and he suddenly thought he might throw up.

"Breathe, G, just breathe," Sam's voice was suddenly right there and a hand was on his shoulder gripping firmly.

Callen allowed Michelle to take the empty wine glass. He saw her move away from the corner of his eye as he tried to concentrate on not panicking and being sick. Sam's hand tilted his head up so that he had to meet his partner's eyes.

"Come on man, you can do this," Sam told him encouragingly. "Deep breath in, let it out slowly."

Callen concentrated on the instructions, closing his eyes against the warm look in Sam's gaze, feeling embarrassed at the strength of his reaction. He kept breathing to Sam's rhythm for a few minutes until the panic receded and his stomach settled. Eventually, Sam let him go and Callen collapsed back on the couch, feeling shaky in the aftermath of the panic attack.

"Here, sip this," Sam instructed him, holding out a bottle of water.

Callen took it, grateful when his hand barely shook, and sipped the cold water, shivering a little as reaction set in. Michelle handed over a sweater and Sam helped him put it on. The size told him it was probably Sam's, but Callen was too tired to care, even if the sleeves did cover his hands. It felt good and smelt a little like Sam, so Callen wrapped his arms around himself, tucking his chin down into the warmth, shaking his head when Sam offered the water bottle again.

Michelle sat beside him once more, leaving more space between them. "I'm sorry, G, I never meant to upset you like that," she told him apologetically.

Callen just shook his head. He was drained by the panic attack and not really feeling up to any more discussion.

"We'll drop it," Sam said firmly. "If you don't want to talk about this, then that's fine. I'm sorry we put you in that position."

Callen looked up at his partner. "I've never discussed this with anyone," he admitted quietly. 

"And you don't have to now," Sam assured him.

"Maybe I do," Callen countered. 

"No, honey, not if you don't want to," Michelle backed up her husband, an equally concerned expression on her face.

Callen felt his face get a little hot, so he reached for the bottle of water again. Michelle had never used an endearment with him like that before and he wasn't sure how to react. He drank some of the water to give himself a bit more time to compose himself again.

Finally he was ready to speak. "I guess relationships just don't interest me," he managed to say. Sam and Michelle didn't comment, allowing him to go at his own pace. "I don't mind going out to dinner with someone occasionally, or, you know, going to bed with them." He knew his face was burning now and he ducked his head down to study the label of the water bottle, hiding his embarrassment.

After a long pause he carried on. "I don't have any desire for spending a lot of time with anyone and getting to know them," he admitted. "I know that probably makes me selfish, but that's how I feel." He sat back, done with sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Intimacy bothers you," Sam said.

Callen looked up to see his partner studying him intently. "I guess," Callen agreed, giving a little shrug. It was something Nate had tried to get him to talk about in the past, but Callen had years of experience with shrinks and had long learned how to manipulate the operational psychologist into hearing only what Callen wanted him to know, revealing enough to get cleared after a case, but keeping the real truths hidden.

Michelle shifted on the couch. "Let's leave this now," she suggested. "It really is none of our business whether you want a relationship or not. I promise we won't set you up like that again."

Sam nodded agreement. "Yeah. I'm sorry partner," he told Callen.

"Thanks," Callen told them, glad to let things drop as well. "I should probably go."

"You don't have to," Michelle told him. "You know you're welcome to stay."

Callen smiled, grateful for the offer. "I know, but I need my own space," he said.

"You sure you're okay to drive?" Sam asked as he backed away to allow Callen to stand up.

Callen smiled at him. "I'm fine, Big Guy," he said. "I didn't drink enough to put me over the limit, I promise."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Sam said seriously.

Callen held out a hand, showing that it was steady. "Honestly, Sam, I'm fine," he insisted.

"Alright then," Sam agreed reluctantly. "You want me to pick you up in the morning?"

"Sure," Callen agreed, knowing it was easier to just give in on that point. They did car pool most days, after all.

"See you tomorrow, then," Sam said as they all moved to the door.

Callen accepted Michelle’s goodbye hug. "Sorry about dinner," he said.

She smiled at him. "Don't worry, you can make it up to me next time," she told him. "Kamran is expecting her Uncle Callen next week, work permitting."

"Of course," Callen agreed. He genuinely enjoyed family dinner with the Hannas and Kamran was a great kid.

After a quick chorus of goodbyes Callen headed down the drive to his car, looking forward to the peace and quiet of his own house and a chance to decide how he felt about the evening and his revelations. He had a feeling he wouldn't sleep much, but that didn't bother him; it wouldn't be the first time and he was used to functioning on much less rest than most people. One thing he did know, for all the emotional bloodletting of the evening, his partnership with Sam was still solid and that was the one thing that really mattered to him.

**Author's Note:**

> So, nothing against the actress, but I didn't buy the whole Callen/Joelle thing for a hot second. I felt there was no real chemistry between them and I was pretty indignant on Callen's behalf that the show decided that he needed to be paired off. There's nothing wrong with being single! Hopefully Callen doesn't come off too OOC in this.


End file.
